by Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D.
Founder and President, Active Parenting Publishers

During a recent appearance on a popular daytime TV show, I was asked why I didn't believe that spanking is a useful parenting method. Basically, I said that spanking is a high-risk method of discipline. Sort of like driving without seatbelts: You may seem to get away with it, but why take the chance? To elaborate, here are eight good reasons not to spank:

1.	It is easy for an enraged parent to cross the line from spanking to abusing,
	as did the mother who was recently caught on video abusing her child in the parking lot of a department store. The adrenaline rush that venting one's frustrations and anger on a child can produce is a "high" that can become habit-forming, if not addictive. It feels good to let it out. Unfortunately, by the time the smoke clears (and the videotape is found), many parents have crossed the line from spanking to hitting, shaking, slapping and other forms of child abuse. This is why even parent educators who advocate spanking say to NEVER spank while you are angry. Calm down first and then calmly approach your child later. Of course, once you have calmed down, you can usually think of better methods of handling the problem than spanking.
2.	Spanking usually leads to more misbehavior.
	The problem with spanking is that it does work…for the immediate misbehavior. Kids will "stop it this instant!" However, they also resent the spanking and seek out conscious or unconscious ways to get even. This usually takes the form of more misbehavior later, or even aggressive behavior against other kids.
3.	Spanking models aggressive behavior.
	Kids who are spanked learn to handle problems by hitting, or threatening to hit. Others find that their parents are too big to get even with, so they take it out on other kids. In either case, in this time of zero tolerance for violence, such kids wind up suspended or even expelled from school. We have to teach kids that violence is only OK as a measure of restrained self-defense and never a way to "punish" others for misbehavior.
4.	Spanking can damage your relationship with your child.
	Even if you only spank a child one time in her life, she may remember it the rest of her life and never feel quite as safe around you again. When you spank, often you create a climate of hurt and revenge that undermines much of the good in the relationship. You may be able to overcome this, but why take the chance when there are better methods available.
5.	Spanking is out of step with the times.
	When I was growing up in the 1950s, 95% or more of parents spanked. And I certainly got my share. And I turned out OK….didn't I? The fact is that spanking actually worked better in the 50s and 60s than it does now. As a parenting method that evolved in the hierarchical societies of medieval Europe, spanking requires a society based on status to be truly effective. In our democratic society, with no group willing to play the inferior "peasant" class, everyone demands to be treated respectfully, even when disciplined. That's why we don't tolerate police brutality, public lashings or the stocks anymore. In such a society it was only a matter of time before kids began rebelling against physical punishment such as spanking as well.
6.	Spanking often leaves the parent feeling guilty.
	Most parents are aware that spanking is now a controversial parenting method. The number of parents who spank has dropped from over 95% to about 50-60% in recent years. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics has come out against spanking. But even before this, many parents sensed that something was not right about hurting a child "for his own good"—and felt guilty afterwards. Parents need to parent from confidence in their methods, not from guilt. They can't do so when they intuitively know that what they are doing is off the mark.
7.	If spanking really worked, parenting would be easy.
	When I ask groups of parents or professionals if they agree that parenting well is difficult, everyone raises a hand. We all know how difficult parenting is. That's why parent education is needed, and why so many groups are sponsoring courses like Active Parenting. A while ago I took my family to the San Diego Zoo and stopped to watch the gorilla pen. A parent gorilla was eating when a child gorilla began annoying her…so she simply took a massive arm and backhanded the misbehaving child across the compound. My point? It doesn’t take a higher level of intelligence to hit a child. If it worked, then parenting would be easy, not difficult, because we can all do it. There must be more to effective discipline in our complex society than there is in the primitive society of apes.
8.	There are many more effective methods of discipline.
	The bottom line in all of this is that there are better ways to discipline kids in our modern society-methods such as polite requests, "I" messages, firm reminders, logical consequences, active problem solving and the new FLAC method described in Active Parenting Now. These methods not only solve behavior problems, but also help build such qualities of character as responsibility, cooperation, courage, respect and even self-esteem. We teach them in our parenting programs because they continue to work in ways that spanking can only temporarily, shall we say, "ape."

Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D., is a former child and family therapist who founded Active Parenting Publishers in 1983 to provide innovative resources in Adlerian-based parent education.